remember this feeling

I’m constantly noting down the things that go wrong, I think we all are. Because we learn from our mistakes (or we try to) and we romanticise the downfalls and the wrong turns and the stuff-ups. I write about the bad bits before the good, because who wants to see the highlights reel? That’s what your social media is for - the constant scroll through other people’s small and large victories, the insidious reminder that every one else is doing and feeling and seeing the things we want to do and feel and see.

So, just for once, remember this feeling of strength. Remember the time it dawned on you that, yes, you can do it, no matter what you thought the moment before; no matter what you’ll think a moment after. Remember that the rising fear was squashed by a rising confidence. Write it down. Mark it out. Put ink on paper to make it certain. So then tomorrow, when the feeling itself has all but disappeared, you’ll have a scrap, a sliver to remember that feeling by. Don’t doubt it, or toss it aside. You earned it.

(A reminder)